Edge of Everywhere

“Porn has completely destroyed me”

Posted on: September 23, 2008

Wow. I just read this post in the “rants & raves” section of Craigslist, and found it incredibly disturbing. The author, who calls himself a “normal” guy, says that due to his internet porn addiction, he is “ruined” and “dead on the inside,” and no longer cares about any qualities in women except for perfect, porn-like attractiveness. Instead of admitting how incredibly fucked up this is, he devotes his post to educating women about what they have to do to attract not only him, but ANY man. He commands, “Be the source of a blood rush and make me throw a rod in my pants or kindly turn into anti-matter.” He then helpfully advises that women “throw every last dollar you have at your physical appearance. Personal trainer. Porcelain veneers. High-end Park Ave. boob job. Get scared and get it done.”

This man truly believes not only that all men have been irrevocably changed by porn, but that it is women’s responsibility to live up to the physical and sexual standards that male porn-watchers have become accustomed to. His little manifesto ends on this dramatic note: “Do not extend my gender any credit. Do not hope that a guy will be in awe of your cello playing, your VP title, or your cute apartment. I promise you he won’t care. Don’t kid yourself into thinking he will. Men are programmed to respond to the visual. Look good or you’re alone.”

I’m frightened by the fact that this person exists. And although he obviously overestimated the number of men that are as screwed up as he is, he’s probably not the only one who thinks this way. I know some people say they pity asexuals, but they should really redirect all their pity to this guy. Why pity someone who is perfectly happy without sex? Isn’t it a thousand times worse to let your life revolve around it and truly believe that there is no important quality in a person other than sexual attractiveness, and that there is no important element in a relationship besides sex?

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6 Responses to "“Porn has completely destroyed me”"

Of the criticisms of porn that exist, I’m often not really sure what to think of them (especially since they are empirical questions that are almost impossible to research) but one does strike me as very probable: porn has made a good number of guys develop standards of attractiveness that are completely unrealistic—even the women in porn don’t typically look like that, let alone the rest of the population—and yet it sets a standard that many women feel compelled to conform to and then they feel horrible about the fact that they can’t do it. (One wonders if this guy’s addiction to porn is somehow related to an inability to interact with women in real-life.) As for his belief that he is normal, I’ve found that there are a lot of guys who think that all males watch porn. I once had one tell me how bizarre it was that I don’t. I’ve heard male voices talk about how tempted they are to watch it, but why they shouldn’t (because it objectifies women, for religious reasons, etc.) But the voices of males who are uninterested are almost entirely unheard.

I’ll read personals on Craigslist when I’m bored, and I’m sometimes very surprised by the superficiality of some people. I don’t understand how that quality is attractive to anyone. My favorite example was, “Don’t be fat! By the way, I’m blind.”

Greetings from a sexual person interested in asexuality who just found this blog two minutes ago.

People like this guy scare me as well! They are one of many reasons I was scared of sexual relationships for a long time (yes, I know that this is totally different from being asexual).

But I eventually found out… in the real world… it’s NOT all like that. Some guys, even guys who like porn an awful lot, are still way into “real” girls (I hesitate to use that phrase because girls who desparately spend millions of dollars on their appearance are still real people, but you know what I mean), still interested in girls’ personalities and abilities as well as their bodies (if they weren’t interested in the bodies at all, they’d be asexual) and still very much in tune with the fact that the way people behave in porn is totally divorced from how they act in reality. I’m dating one of these guys, of course, which is why I felt I should speak up. I’d easily choose to date an asexual guy over the kind of guy in that rant, but luckily (for sexual girls, at least) those aren’t the only choices.

What we need to find is a person with a BRAIN, that’s all.

Ugh, that IS scary. I think damn near all of the women in porn make themselves hideously ugly, and I can’t understand why this guy likes that. To me, porn is a turn-OFF.

Fortunately, as Hallu said, there are still plenty of guys out there who aren’t like that. In fact, I’ve even been told by a couple of guys that most of them would take natural, proportionate B-cups over unnatural, overinflated C’s or D’s.

Linking to your blog, btw. 🙂

Thanks for the comments, everyone!

pretzelboy – Lots of guys may assume that all men watch porn, but what disturbed me the most was that this guy referred to himself as normal after admitting that he has become uninterested in anything but sex with porn-perfect women. I really hope it’s not common among guys to assume that’s normal.

Ily – That’s funny! There are some really arrogant, superficial people on the CL personals, but I have a feeling they’re all terribly pathetic and desperate in real life.

Hallu – Welcome! I’m glad to hear you found one of the good guys. I still believe their must be way more of them out there than creeps like this guy! 🙂

The Gray Lady – I know, I think porn stars are hideous too! And thanks for linking to me! I’ll link to you as well.

I applaud you for writing this. Porn destroys many people and relationships. Even Serial killers like Ted Bundy claimed porn is what led them to rape women. they felt a need to recreate the acts seen in porn and found that rape elevated their arousal more. The way this country portrays sex destroys the value of everything else. Nature simply intended on sex as a method to procreate. Humans turned it into a game and now we wonder why we have so many problems.

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