Edge of Everywhere

On Compromise

Posted on: November 7, 2008

There are definitely days when I wish I were sexual, when I can’t help but be frustrated by the idea that I can’t be in a relationship without one or both people having to compromise on something so big, something often seen as THE factor that distinguishes romantic relationships from platonic ones. There are days I want to want the things that everyone else wants, just to make it easier.

But I know, when I really stop to think about it, that being sexual wouldn’t make things easier. Sex is complicated, and messy, and risky, and wanting it would probably actually make my life and relationships more complicated. And while having to negotiate compromises about sex is not a pleasant prospect, couples make compromises all the time – on what city to live in, whose parents to visit for Thanksgiving, even what movie to see on Friday night. Compromises are part of all relationships, and I have to remind myself that just because asexual people and our partners have to deal with a type of compromise most people never do, that doesn’t mean that our relationships are more complicated than other people’s, or that they would be any easier or better if we happened to want the things society tells us we are supposed to want out of our relationships.

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