Edge of Everywhere

Disoriented

Posted on: December 9, 2008

Ever since I discovered my asexuality, I’ve had a fascinating time collecting the clues and signs from throughout my life. One of the biggest, which I only just recently remembered, is a vague sense I had in recent years of not having a sexual orientation, even though I wasn’t sure yet that I didn’t want to have sex with anyone. I knew that I liked guys in some sense, but for reasons I could not explain, I didn’t identify with the word heterosexual. Instead, I considered myself to be straight by socialization–i.e., due to being raised in a society that taught me to view boys as potential romantic partners and girls as friends to talk to about boys. I also had a feeling that if I ever chose to be with a girl, it would be just that–a choice–although I understood that my queer friends did not feel that way about their orientations. I just wasn’t convinced that there was something in my genes or wherever else that was orienting me to any particular gender(s). Therefore, I was pretty amazed to discover that there is actually a sexual orientation that involves not being sexually oriented to anyone.

People in the asexual community talk about romantic orientations, but I’m not particularly convinced I have one of those either. I have had a tendency in the past to view guys as potential romantic partners, but I don’t really feel like it’s anything stronger than that. I’d be curious to read more about what other people think about romantic orientations and whether they are as intrinsic to asexuals as sexual orientations are to sexual people.

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4 Responses to "Disoriented"

Thank you for not having a romantic orientation! Hee…I don’t have one either, but I’m not “aromantic”.

The idea of a romantic orientation, being romantic or aromantic – I think that’s more of a concept. Some people find it helpful, but personally, identifying as romantic or aromantic hasn’t really worked for me. So, I don’t have a romantic orientation either.

[…] too late, it comes more or less from social conditioning. Just like asexyfeminist wrote in a recent post, I suppose that I was very much influenced by the society I lived in and the way interpersonal […]

I like the expression ‘straight by socialization’. Thank you.

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