Edge of Everywhere

Yes, Virginia, There Are Asexuals

Posted on: December 31, 2008

The other day, I told one of my friends, who is clearly attracted to me, that I’m asexual. His immediate response was, “You’re not asexual.” Not helpful. He then expressed skepticism about the existence of asexuality as an orientation. I think he was driven by wishful thinking that I’m normal and he might have a chance at hooking up with me. I tried my best to explain it, but I hate being on the defensive and got flustered. By the end of the conversation, he actually had me half-convinced that I might not be asexual after all.

I was brought back to reality when I read the recent post by The Gray Lady in which she discusses her current relationship. She writes, “The key to my enjoyment is in the approach my partner takes towards asexuality. If they try to convince me I’m not asexual, I won’t be comfortable with it. If they try to understand asexuality, accept it and work around it, then it won’t be an issue.” I realized this applies to me as well. If someone can’t accept what I tell them about my identity, then I can’t be involved with them. I have this habit of making huge sacrifices in relationships without even realizing I’m doing it, and I can’t keep getting stuck in a trap of going along with what other people want if I know on any level that it’s not what I want. 

I’m so grateful to have found the asexual community. Reading about other people’s experiences has been invaluable to me. It helps so much to know that other people have experienced the same things I have, and to be reminded that I have the right to decide what I want in relationships. I know it sounds obvious, but sadly, deciding exactly what I want in a relationship and making sure I get it is somewhat of a foreign concept to me. It’s great to feel like I have the support of people who, for once, acknowledge and accept the way I am and inspire me to make sure that the people in my life do so as well.


3 Responses to "Yes, Virginia, There Are Asexuals"

Hey, I’m soliciting people for the RSS feed on the AVEN homepage. Do you want your blog to be included? I hope so– let me know!

Absolutely! I think that’s a fantastic idea and I’d love to be a part of it. Thanks!

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