Edge of Everywhere

They Get It

Posted on: January 13, 2009

I’m generally wary of telling people about my asexuality unless I already know that they understand what it means, because I hate being misunderstood and having to defend my identity. However, I’ve started to realize that while my sexual friends may not immediately understand what it means to “not experience sexual attraction,” once I tell them more, there are a lot of things they do get, and relate to: the idea of hooking up with someone out of perceived obligation or habit rather than desire, not being into it, feeling like there were other things they could be doing, feeling like it was kind of pointless and that they could do a better job themselves. It may still be hard to understand that I could feel that way no matter how much I like and am attracted to someone, but I’ve found that once people can conceptualize asexuality in terms of concrete experiences rather than vague definitions, it doesn’t seem so alien or impossible anymore.


2 Responses to "They Get It"

It’s good to hear people are getting it! Recently, I had a good conversation with a married friend of mine about how neither of us knew how to date and we’d both been on under 5 dates in our lives. Even though we’re on totally different sides of the sexuality spectrum, we could totally relate on that topic. I’ve had other people say stuff like “Oh, you life must be easier, I wish I didn’t have to deal with sexual stuff” which sort of seems like it’s missing the point. Experiences definitely help, which is why I’d like to think our blogs are accomplishing an important task 🙂

That’s funny about the dating conversation! I’m so used to feeling different that I’m always pleasantly surprised when sexual people can relate to what I’m talking about. And I definitely agree about asexy blogs. I wish there were more!

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