Edge of Everywhere

I Get It

Posted on: January 19, 2009

Coming to understand my asexuality has actually given me a better understanding of the reasons people have sex. Now that I know I have never had any actual interest in it, I have been able to sort out my actual reasons for doing or considering doing certain things with people: wanting to be close to them, wanting to please them, enjoying their attraction to me, going along with what they initiated and not knowing how to say I wasn’t interested, or just doing what I knew people were “supposed to do” in certain situations even though I wasn’t into it at all. I can remember conversations I’ve had about girls who admitted to having sex with guys repeatedly despite the fact that they didn’t really enjoy it. I remember judging these girls as self-hating, oppressed, pathetic. But now, I get it, because all the things these girls gain by having sex are things I gave up when I finally admitted to myself and to other people that I had no interest in having it with anyone, ever. I’ve given up the right to gain instant (if temporary) status in a guy’s life and social circle by being the girl he’s sleeping with. I’ve given up a certain type of validation of my attractiveness, desirability, and worth (albeit an arguably unhealthy one). I’ve given up a certain type of intimacy. So now, when I hear about these girls, I don’t judge them anymore – I just feel lucky that I can wave my A-card an as excuse to get out of situations I know I wouldn’t really enjoy, and feel bad for them because they haven’t found an excuse yet.


1 Response to "I Get It"

I think that one of the clearest signs of asexuality is the question “do really the great bulk of the population (the sexual people) feel/need X?”.

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