Edge of Everywhere

I Hate the Word

Posted on: January 24, 2009

I hate the word asexual. I hate that the “a” can be easily swallowed and the “sexual” is so prominent. Asexuality is the only orientation without a widely known alternative word, and I think it’s ironic and cruel that when asexuals come out to people, we’re the only ones who have no choice but to use a word containing “sex” even though we’re the only ones who don’t care about having any. It’s also unfair that we have to use a word that describes only one aspect of our relationships, the one aspect we don’t care about. It doesn’t say anything about the relationships we do have and want. It confuses people, makes them try to diagnose our “problems,” makes them feel like they have the right to know about our masturbation habits. I can’t wait until asexuality is more widely understood and “ace” catches on, because that’s something I can actually feel good about saying.

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8 Responses to "I Hate the Word"

I agree. Part of the reason I hesitate to even say “I’m asexual” is because people always think I’ve said “I’m a sexual” – uhhh… NO… the word is destined for confusion! 😛

Hm.. I’ve never really had a problem with the word “asexual.” Actually, to be honest, I’m not that crazy about the term “ace.” I can’t really see me calling myself that! 😛

You’re right, it’s a funny word, and it doesn’t sound like an especially good thing. I think I’ve spent too much time reading the indiepop listserv, because the people from the UK are always saying that various things are “ace”, as in “cool”. Ace could really be the new gay.

Although maybe we’ll get sued by Ace hardware.

My interactions with other people on the subject of “sex” usually go something like this:

Me: “I’m not into the whole ‘sex’ thing.. I don’t equate love with sex.”

Other person: “…….. seriously? why not?”

Me: “I’m asexual..sex doesn’t hold any value for me, I’m not interested in it.. at all.”

OP: *crickets*

After the shock wears out.. the “other person” usually delves into personal questions to attempt to satisfy their need to diagnose what “my deal” is.. pretty much like you were describing in this post.

I can’t wait until asexuality is more globally understood as well..

Actually, there is an alternate way of saying asexual– It’s nonsexual. I’ve seen it various places on the internet, and most notable in the web comic Saturnalia, where a character states that the term asexual makes her feel like some kind of sea sponge or a lizard. ^_^

Ily, I love that “ace” means “cool”! How awesome does that make us?

Pax, hi and thanks for commenting! Yeah, having that conversation is so exhausting and frustrating.

Arie, thanks for pointing out the word nonsexual. I can’t see myself using it because it has the same problems as asexual (bringing attention to sex and not saying anything about the kinds of relationships we do have), plus I don’t see myself as completely nonsexual – I just don’t have the urge to be sexual with other people.

If someone asks about my sexuality I usually reply “irrelevant”. If I really trust them, I’ll expand to “I find sex irrelevant”.

Most of the time, I don’t understand why people have to ask. Why does my behaviour in the bedroom need a label? Why does anyone, hetero or otherwise, need do define themselves by their sexuality? It’s like it’s some chronic hangover left over from the Victorian era when marraige was tied to social status.

I hate that word for a different reason. We so called “asexuals” are just people without bullshit in our lives. We are pure and normal. We do not ruin love with sex. We experience pure love as it is, and we don’t add any twists to it, which by the way isn’t even possible, because love without the asexual character does not exist. Love IS asexual. Love is the feeling of asexuality. Love IS the attraction of being pulled away from sex, and into love. Love is ANTI-sexual. I think people who aren’t “asexual” should be called “sexual”, and we should simply be called normal, because that’s what we are.

A cup of coffee with milk is called “coffee with milk”.
A cup of coffee without milk is called “coffee”.

A cup of coffee with milk is not called “coffee”
A cup of coffee without milk is not called “nonmilk-coffee”

Because coffee is coffee, and if you add milk, then it’s coffee with milk. Not the other way around. Love without sex, is love. People who are in a relationship without sex, are in a “relationship”, not an “asexual relationship”. However weirdos who prefer a relationship with sex are in a “sexual relationship”. THESE are the people who needs to be classified, NOT the other way around.

So people, stop calling yourselves “asexual”. We are NORMAL!
I’m not even proud of being a so-called “asexual”. It’s an obvious thing to be. Instead, I am disappointed about others not being it. Those are the weirdos, with a perverted perspective on life.

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