Where Can I Find Them?
Posted on: February 20, 2009
I’ve been thinking lately about how I haven’t made any really good friends since college. My few close friends are all people I went to school with and knew during a formative period in our lives, which is something that means a lot to me. The only place I’ve really bonded with anyone since I graduated is at work, but those friendships tend to stay at the office and taper off when people change jobs. I’ve tried meeting people in a lot of different ways and have met some cool ones, but few that became more than acquaintances and none that I see often.
As someone who has no interest in meeting people in a dating context but wishes I could find a few more good friends, I don’t know what to do. How have you met the people that you’re close to besides through school?
10 Responses to "Where Can I Find Them?"
February 20, 2009 at 1:44 pm
I have the same question. It’s really, really hard. I have only one really good friend that I’ve made since college, and I met her while attempting to date on Craigslist. (I was looking for other ace people, and she was questioning at the time.) I went to college in Washington so most of my best friends from college live in WA or OR now. Like you, I have more friends that I’m not as close to, and I’ve met them through a variety of groups, like a writing group and AVEN. For most of my life, I wanted everyone I knew and liked to be my best friend, but I only recently learned that there are different “levels” of friendship. However, I still don’t know how to make a close friend out of an acquaintance. I feel like I either click immedeately with someone, or they stay an acquaintance forever. I also wonder if it’s a coincidence that the two friends I spend the most time with are single. It probably isn’t.
February 21, 2009 at 1:00 am
I think it’s funny we (the three of us I guess, probably more) what appears to be a mirror of the problem of elevating someone from the ‘just friends’ group to the status of romantic partner.
[…] 21, 2009 at 12:50 am (Uncategorized) I read a post today on Edge of Everywhere about the difficulties of making friends, and to say this has always been an issue with me, would be […]
February 21, 2009 at 11:47 am
Reading your post I am becoming afraid of stopping making friends when I leave the college lifestyle.
February 27, 2009 at 9:11 am
Ily, I feel the same way about clicking with someone immediately or ending up staying acquaintances forever. And I click with very few people. The point about the people you spend the most time with being single is interesting too. I have some (in theory) good friends who I never see anymore because they’re with their significant others all the time.
Isaac, I didn’t mean to scare you. I know people who met some of their best friends after college (at work, through friends, etc). But if you make some great friends at college, definitely hold on to them.
March 2, 2009 at 10:26 pm
Count me as another who knows exactly what you mean. I’m really lucky that I’m still good friends with my two good friends from high school and another from college. If I wasn’t, I’d be in trouble b/c I really haven’t made any bosom buddies since college, and that was 8 years ago.
I do have some people at work that I think are great, and we go out sometimes, which is a step at least–expanding the friendship outside the office. But I really don’t hold out any hope that when we switch jobs we’ll be able to keep–and deepen–the friendship over the years, the way I’ve been able to with my school friends. Sigh.
March 4, 2009 at 1:06 pm
Hello,
I want to invite you to Sex 2.0. I think it would be wonderful to see the asexual movement represented. After all, in our talking about sex, people who don’t want it need a place at the table too.
“Sex 2.0 will focus on the intersection of social media, feminism, and sexuality. How is social media enabling people to learn, grow, and connect sexually? How is sexual expression tied to social activism? Does the concept of transparency online offer new opportunities or present new roadblocks — or both? These questions, and many more, will be addressed within a safe, welcoming, sex-positive space.”
If you think it looks interesting, spread the word around.
I hope to see you there!
July 15, 2009 at 1:53 pm
You took the words right out of my mouth. I’ve found developing new friendships perhaps the most challenging of my personal goals. Have you made many friends through the various online asexual networks?
July 17, 2009 at 9:37 am
I’ve met one AVEN person and fellow blogger when she visited my city, but otherwise haven’t really tried to make friends through the online asexual networks. It definitely seems worth a try, though.
Edge of Everywhere 
February 20, 2009 at 12:30 pm
I know exactly how you feel; I my self have a great deficiency of friends (for various reasons I don’t even have those close type of friends you said you gained in your ‘formative’ years). I’m great at making acquaintances and always have someone available for casual conversation, but I’ve got no one I’d call a friend.
I think it’s because I never learnt how to make friends. But now I try all the standard stuff, like picking up hobbies, joining groups, etc., but even though I developed a love for the activities themselves I was never able to grow anything more than a passing familiarity with the actual people involved.
Ciao