Edge of Everywhere

It’s Going to Get Harder

Posted on: May 13, 2009

I’ve been thinking lately about how as I get older, I’m only going to feel more and more out of step with the rest of society. I’m in my mid-20s, and it freaks me out that my peers are starting to get married and have babies. It’s really going to freak me out when I get to the age where it’s totally normal for everyone my age to be doing those things. When it will seem like everyone around me is a mom and interested in mom things. When people will start assuring me that I am, in fact, attractive enough to “get a man,” as if that’s what I want to hear. When people who don’t know about my asexuality will start coming up with explanations for why I live the way I do. When strangers will start asking me if I have kids and, a few decades later, grandkids. I don’t have much patience for this sort of thing. I just hope I can continue to surround myself with interesting people who don’t fit the mold either, although they may not be asexual.


6 Responses to "It’s Going to Get Harder"

I’d like to think that as we get older, we can be role models for other people living nonstandard lives. That would be cool. I guess I’ve felt out of step with society pretty much since birth, so it’s not a new feeling to me. 😉

Yeah, but as you get older, you’ll become more confident in yourself, and stuff like that won’t bother you as much. There will always be people telling others what to do and how to matter who you are. So long as you have a few close friends/family members who understand, who cares? 🙂


I realise that the issue of being single and not having children never really came into my mind just because of the friends to whom I’m closest are in their 50s and don’t have children (or don’t live with their grown children). xD

Actually, I do have friends (who are 30 or older) who do have kids too. I tend not to be as close to them though. (I actually have more friends who are closer to my age (I’m 19), but I don’t feel as strong a connection with them.)

I was visiting my mom’s class (she teaches 1st grade) and one of the kids figured out I’m in college. She said, “And when you’re done with college, you’ll be a parent!”
I was like, “…maybe?” haha I’m not sure how to answer that one. It’s extremely strange to see kids I went to high school with having kids and getting married. And yeah, I’m already fishing for an explanation for when that becomes an issue…

Ily, I think that that’s scary (and exhilarating) that we’re the wave, generation, or whatever; of ‘out’ asexuals. Its intimidating to think that, sooner then we think, we’re (well maybe not me, I’m a bit of a recluse) going to be role models to the next wave, when it still feels like we’re bumbling through the dark.
On a more ‘on topic’ note, yesterday I was talking with one of my friends, and apparently she’s getting married in the, let’s say, intermediate future. She and I are possibly the best sexual/asexual comparison I’ve seen; we’re almost identical, except she’s gangbusters on sex, I take a more ‘whatever turns you’re crank’ attitude, and I hate children, avoid them as much as possible, she’s apparently gangbusters for them too. Which is weird because I always (thought) that her want of a family was at average level.

I hear you, I’ll be 25 in Jan. As a teenager I felt out of place being ace, thought I did not find out about asexuality till, I was 23/24. It and aromantic fit my life perfectly. A former friend of mine is getting married she’s 22?. I left my 3 good friends 2 girls and guy. They all were a dating people. I felt so out of place, and now I find she is getting married. I found out from a lady I know in the grocery store. Congrats, was not even my 1st thought. “Why don’t I want to get married?” Was what ran through my mind. Though I am very happy for them all and I wish them the best. I’ve seen dating, marriage and sex as things for other people to do. She asked me why we could not be friends and I told her we just could not be anymore, I had no word for asexual to describe me at the time. I have not talked to her since, it was an awkward parting, I lost all 3 of my close friends at the same time, one of 16 years the other of 10 years. Seeing as how that’s most of my life, it was a hard thing to do.
I don’t want to date, get married and have kids at all. That biological clock was never installed in me, sorry but I think it’s crap the whole “clock ticking thing.” I don’t think one day I’ll get an urge to have a baby. I’m a virgin, so that urge never kicked in either. So big deal no one needs to know, it’s none of their business anyway. I did go out with a guy, not on a date just as friends and that was even weird for me. So I’m not a teenager as I did not do teenager things and I’m going to be 25. I wonder if one day getting a job after I finish school and get my own place will help? So, I have taken on more responsibilities at home, I help out my parents in there 60’s. I will have to define when I as an individual am an adult; I’ve never been much on society telling me when I do something anyway. I like being single less hassle in my life.
Good luck to you, edgeofeverywhere and others on this road we walk. The only internist I have in weddings is what kind of cake they had.

Sorry for the long post, love your blog, keep it going. 🙂

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