Edge of Everywhere

Mutual Appreciation

Posted on: May 23, 2009

The way I see it, there are two ways to enter into a “more than friends” type of situation (with the “more” signifying emotional and/or physical intimacy beyond what is generally associated with friendship). The first is by extension of an already close relationship. The second is through mutual attraction, which often serves as a shortcut to intimacy when people don’t know each other very well. Although I know that the latter can be thrilling, the factors that are the most important to me are often absent: complete trust, comfort, and the knowledge that the other person truly appreciates and “gets” me.

For me, the best part of being close to someone is understanding and appreciating all the things, big and small, that make them who they are, and knowing that they understand and appreciate me as well. This is why I have recently resolved to be more forthcoming with information about my asexuality when applicable. Although I want guys to like me and am sometimes hesitant to be honest for fear of pushing them away, I realized that I would rather be honest and push away someone who only likes his own fantasy of me than have a short period of romantic excitement based on a lie. I am so grateful to have gained an understanding of my asexuality and what I want out of relationships, and I know that with the right person, speaking honestly about those things could yield something amazing that I have yet to experience.

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2 Responses to "Mutual Appreciation"

A agree with the two ways you mentioned for being “more than friends”.

I also agree with you that relationships shouldn’t be based on a lie, I don’t see how a relationship based on mutual attraction necessarily has to based on a lie.

The lie I was referring to is the omission on my part of the fact that I am asexual, because it feels like I am lying by letting the person who is attracted to me assume I am sexual and that they have a shot at acting on their attraction to me in conventional ways.

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