Edge of Everywhere

Asexuality as a Worldview

Posted on: June 30, 2009

Rainbow Amoeba recently wrote a great piece for the Asexual Perspectives section of the AVEN website called How Discovering My Asexuality Set Me Free. I found this part to be especially thought-provoking:

I do not think very often about what this orientation describes – my lack of interest in sex – but I am grateful every day for the many other things my awareness of it has brought me – all the choices I discovered I could make, all the new ways I discovered I could relate to other people and love them, all the possible futures that I now see open before me.

I love thinking about asexuality as a set of possibilities rather than as the lack of something. It’s usually framed in terms of the absence of sexual attraction/desire, but to me, that’s not what’s at the heart of asexuality. The dual realization that we don’t want the things we’ve grown up being taught that everyone wants, and that it’s actually valid to feel that way, is simply the beginning of a lifelong process of deciding what we do want out of our lives and relationships.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about asexuality less as an orientation and more as a worldview. Seeing the world asexually is about taking ownership of our feelings and desires and embarking on the sometimes scary but exhilarating journey of deciding what exactly we want from the people in our lives, based not on a set of pre-defined relationship models we’ve been handed, but on a new set of models that we can make up as we go along. It’s about being completely honest with ourselves and knowing that whatever we want is not only okay but maybe even attainable and satisfying beyond our wildest dreams, even if it doesn’t fit into society’s boxes. Instead of nothing making sense, suddenly everything makes sense, because it’s what we want, plain and simple. Before I knew I was asexual, my desires (and lack thereof) left me confused and occasionally ashamed. Now, everything I want and don’t want is simply a fact, a natural fact, and I can spend my time thinking about new possibilities and futures. I am incredibly grateful to have been given the chance to view and reassess my life through the lens of asexuality. It’s a lens I think all people could benefit from looking through.

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4 Responses to "Asexuality as a Worldview"

That’s not too far off the mark about how I feel too – before learning that asexuality existed, I always wondered why, and felt like becoming sexual was something I should do, even though I wasn’t really interested in it. Discovering my asexuality has made me more comfortable with myself, but more than that, it’s allowed me to focus on things that are important to me, instead of something I don’t want or need.

Yes, yes, yes! I whole-heartedly agree about the freedom to redefine our relationships without the confines of traditional models. And, as you say, as a worldview this opens up immense possibilities. It’s so liberating to be able to concentrate on things that actually matter to me, rather than trying to find a desire for something “They” say I should want.

Yes, this is how I feel! Identifying as asexual has made me feel so free and liberated to try to find what I want, not to try to fit in to what other people think I should want.

Yay! Celebrating with you.

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